


Three Thousand Miles

by ravenbringslight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Road Trips, Sex, Sibling Incest, once they start kissing they can't stop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:21:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenbringslight/pseuds/ravenbringslight
Summary: Thor flies across the country to help Loki move in to college. It brings all the old tensions to the surface.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 247
Collections: Boys of Summer





	Three Thousand Miles

**Author's Note:**

> I was taking prompts on twitter and someone said "drive" and I was like "I think I started a road trip story once" and then I found 4k of this in my notes and decided to finish it. Thanks to J and A for looking this over and reassuring me about it. Please enjoy!

They were going on a road trip.

Thor was flying cross country to meet Loki, and then the two of them were going to drive Loki’s car all the way back west so that Loki would have it at college and wouldn’t have to make the week-long drive by himself. It was probably a terrible idea, but Loki had sounded so hopeful on the phone that Thor couldn’t say no.

The flight was uneventful. Thor managed to sleep most of the way, except for when the plane started its descent and every baby on board started crying simultaneously when the pressure changed. He wanted to cry too—as a general rule, for the most part, but also because it hit him right then, blinking his gritty eyes, that he was really going to be spending at least five days in a car with his little brother. Nights in motels, sharing a room. Three thousand miles of highway, and every one of them an accusation— _this is how far you ran to get away_.

 _I’m here_ , Thor tapped out on his phone once they landed. _I’ll be at the pickup zone in 15_.

After Thor deboarded, he stopped in the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix his hair. He smiled at himself in the mirror, then let his face fall. He wondered if Loki would even recognize him. He was bigger than he was the last time he was home, and he’d grown his hair out again like he used to when he was in high school.

It was silly to wonder. The second that Loki saw him, his eyes lit up, and before Thor could do more than smile back, he had an armful of happy little brother. It had been too long since they’d hugged properly, and they both squeezed each other tight in a kind of groping, all-encompassing way that left other people staring. Thor closed his eyes and enjoyed it for a minute. Loki felt good in his arms, wider and stronger than the scrawny little bird-boned thing he used to be, and he hummed happily in Thor’s ear.

“What is this?” Loki said, still smiling, and tugged on Thor’s beard. Thor had braided it in an effort to look less like a mountain man, although suddenly he was embarrassed he had it at all; he should have just shaved it off, or at least trimmed it.

“Nothing,” Thor said. “What is this?” He wrapped one of Loki’s curls around his finger. When had Loki stopped straightening his hair?

Loki grinned. “Nothing.”

The trunk of Loki’s little green Jetta was crammed full, but there was enough room in the back seat to shove Thor’s carry-on. Thor pushed the passenger seat back as far as it would go and squeezed in. He’d taken a red-eye so that he would land in the morning and they could just leave from the airport and he wouldn’t have to share a roof with Odin. He was here for his brother, not his father.

“I’ll drive today,” Loki said. “But once you get a good night of sleep it’s all you.”

“Try not to kill us,” Thor said, yawning and putting his sunglasses on.

Thor tried to sleep while Loki took them out of the urban sprawl of the east coast and into the green of the Appalachians. He crossed his arms and leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. He actually was tired, but it was also a bit of a cop out. He didn’t know how to talk to Loki, or look at him, or exist in the same space as him, or at least not in a way that would end well for anyone involved. 

Still acting like he was sleeping, Thor cracked his eyes open behind his mirrored sunglasses and looked at Loki. Loki’s hands were slim and strong wrapped around the steering wheel, and his profile was dark against the blur of trees and sunlight outside the window. He was all angles. His features had always looked a little too big for his face, but he’d finally started growing into them in the last year—the softness of childhood had given way to a sharp nose and sharp cheekbones and sharp jaw. Even the apple of his throat stood out in stark relief. 

It begged for a kiss.

Loki stole glances at Thor as well. Thor saw Loki’s eyes flick up and down his body, a second or two at a time before he had to go back to the road, and Thor tried not to let his cheeks color. Loki’s eyes lingered on his arms and his face with a heaviness that made it hard to swallow. Thor knew that heaviness; it was the same weight that Thor wore like an anvil around his neck constantly. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Loki felt this impossible attraction too.

This mutual insanity wasn’t the only reason Thor had run, but it was a good half of it. And now here Loki was, chasing after him. The only colleges Loki had even applied to were ones in the city Thor lived in. And here Thor was, letting him.

Thor sighed, and closed his eyes again, and finally did manage to actually fall asleep.

*

They made it to Ohio the first night. They found a hotel just off the highway that had a free breakfast buffet and got a room with two beds, then drove a few minutes down the road to the diner the front desk promised them would still be open.

“I wish I could order a fucking drink after that drive,” Loki complained, kneading at his own shoulders. He’d driven for eight hours straight, more or less, only stopping for pee breaks and gas. 

“I told you I’d take over for a little bit,” Thor said, and Loki waved him off irritably. Their pancakes showed up and Loki fell on his with the speed and gusto unique to growing teenagers.

“God bless twenty-four-hour diners,” Loki said with his mouth full of food.

Loki was still kneading at his shoulders when they got back to their room. He kept sighing exaggeratedly and looking at Thor, making a show of it. He wanted a backrub. Thor wanted to give him one. He found himself weighing the consequences, trying to make the mental math add up. How much they both wanted it versus how much it would cost, in the long run. How if he started touching Loki now, even physical affection that was appropriately brotherly, it would just encourage more. How much _more_ they could afford before it turned into something they’d regret.

He needed to keep his hands to himself. 

“Why don’t you take a shower?” Thor said. “The hot water and steam should help your back.”

Loki sighed and deflated a little.

“Yeah. Ok.”

Thor changed into his pjs while Loki was in the bathroom, trying to be quick about it in case Loki poked his head out. Loki came out a few minutes later, cheeks pink and hair wet and wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his trim waist, and started rummaging through his bag. Thor let himself look. He had to let himself have something. A look here and there seemed like the least expensive option, especially when Loki was giving them out freely.

After they settled into their beds and turned the lights off, Thor stared at the ceiling for a while. He heard Loki sniffle, but didn’t know if it was just a stuffy nose or something else. He didn’t ask.

*

The second morning was easier. They stuffed themselves full of the best of the worst that hotel chafing dish cuisine had to offer, filled up two paper cups with coffee each, and hit the road. They argued good-naturedly over music choices and driving styles. Loki grilled Thor about his job (Thor had finished undergrad at Odin’s insistence only to turn around and become a paramedic instead of an MBA, to Odin’s bitter disappointment) and Thor made Loki laugh with stories about the guys at the ambulance house.

“You’re safe, though, right?” Loki asked at one point, a note of vulnerability in his voice. “Like, you’re not going to rush into, like, a gunfight and fucking die, right?”

“I’m fine,” Thor said. He was driving now, and keeping his hands on the wheel was the only thing stopping him from reaching over and squeezing Loki’s arm, his leg, anything he could reach. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“That is _not_ what I asked,” Loki grumbled, although he left it alone.

They ate lunch at a highway rest stop, chips and soda and soggy sandwiches that they’d grabbed at the last gas station. Loki plopped himself down on the picnic table bench next to Thor, too close, their knees brushing, their shoulders touching. Thor wanted to move away. He didn’t want to move away, both because he wanted to touch Loki too and because he knew the distance would make Loki feel rejected again.

“I gotta hit the bathroom,” Thor said, standing up and copping out.

Loki was quiet in the car after that.

 _I’m sorry_ , Thor wanted to say, but he stayed quiet too.

*

“So do you have any idea what you want to major in?” Thor asked. Daylight was fading in a spectacular midwest sunset that painted the cornfields in pink and orange. The headlights of oncoming cars looked almost like fireflies in the twilight.

“Not really.”

Thor hummed and kept his eyes on the road.

“Don’t worry about it. Nobody I know has a job in anything they majored in.”

“Thanks,” Loki said sarcastically. He shifted around in his seat and put one of his knees up, resting his chin on it. He flicked the lock on the door up and down. Thor was driving with his left hand, his right resting on the center console. Loki kept looking at it. He brushed his fingers across Thor’s knuckles, and Thor put his hand back on the steering wheel, and Loki sighed.

“I bet Dad is on your ass about it though,” Thor said, going for commiseration to take Loki’s mind off of any more touching.

“Oh yeah,” Loki said. “He threatened to cut me off if I don’t major in something useful.”

“Ugh. I know the kinds of things he considers useful.”

“You’re so lucky you don’t have to live with him anymore.”

Thor turned his head long enough to give Loki a smile. “Neither do you, now.”

“I still have to go home when school’s out,” Loki said. Thor imagined it, Loki finally getting a taste of freedom from Odin’s crushing presence, only to have it taken away every time term was over. The old man had never been easy to live with, but it had gotten so much worse after Frigga had died. Thor had made his own escape as soon as he could. He would have taken Loki with him if he could have, but...well. It had seemed best at the time to leave Loki behind too.

“Maybe…” Loki said, then sighed. “I dunno. Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to go home for the summers,” Loki says. “You live right there, maybe…”

Thor’s heart broke a little. He couldn’t say yes, couldn’t say no. Loki living with him...

“We’ll see,” Thor said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“‘We’ll see’ means no,” Loki said bitterly.

“We’ll see,” Thor said again.

“I’m not a little kid, you know,” Loki blurted out. Thor risked a glance over. Loki’s cheeks were bright pink.

“I know.”

Loki’s voice was angry. “Do you?”

“Loki,” Thor said gently. “What are we fighting about?”

Loki huffed and wrapped his arms around his knee and didn’t talk again until they stopped for the night.

*

Loki thawed a little by the next morning, and they set out into the Great Plains. Thor always thought the sky looked bigger out here. The east coast sky felt close, somehow, like you were trapped under a jar like an insect, but once you got west of the Mississippi it was like someone whisked the jar away and the whole big beautiful sky opened up and finally let you breathe properly. Like you could tilt your face towards it and fall upwards and drown in the endless blue. It would probably be a good way to go. Thor could think of worse.

“Maybe we could take a few extra days,” Loki said. “Drive through Yellowstone maybe? I’ve never been there.”

Thor thought about it. It wasn’t on their planned route. It seemed like it should be a small detour, but distances here in the west were always longer than they seemed. Yellowstone itself was a whole day of driving around.

“You really want to?” Thor asked. “It’s mostly just a lot more time in the car. There’s not a whole lot to get out and do there unless you want to hike or camp.”

“Why not?” Loki said, shrugging. “When else am I gonna be anywhere remotely near here?”

Thor should probably veto it; three days into this trip and he was already exercising every bit of self-restraint he had. Two extra days would be two extra days of avoiding Loki’s increasingly wandering hands and trying to rebuff him without hurting his feelings enough to _hurt_ hurt him.

But Loki’s face looked so hopeful and sweet that Thor found himself agreeing.

*

Thor should definitely have vetoed it.

They took their detour, and they drove through Yellowstone, ogling the crazy topography, the buffalo, the weirdly colored hot springs that looked like some alien terrain had been teleported to earth. It took forever to drive around and see the points on the map that Loki wanted to see, and it was dark by the time they were finally leaving the confines of the park. Thor was in a good mood. It had been a good day. Loki’s excitement about everything they saw had been infectious, and both of them had barely stopped smiling the entire time.

Loki was driving.

“Holy shit!” Loki said, pointing. “Did you see that?”

A meteor had just streaked across the sky in front of them.

“Oh yeah,” Thor said, “the Perseids are supposed to happen about now, aren’t they?”

“Like, the meteor shower? Like, there might be more?” 

Loki sounded so excited that Thor couldn’t help but smile.

“Yep and yep.”

“Holy shit.”

“You wanna pull over and watch for a while?”

Loki found a scenic pull-off area and parked. They climbed up onto the top of a picnic table and sat, leaning back on their hands, heads craned up. They had an unobstructed view of the night sky here. It was a lonely kind of dark. A deep silence had fallen when Loki cut the engine, and now that their ears were accustomed to it smaller sounds made themselves heard. Another car in the distance, unseen. Night birds. The sigh and rustle of the trees.

Looking up at the sky made Thor feel small. Loki shivered next to him and chafed at his arms. He inched closer to Thor. 

Thor inched away. He lay back, pillowing his head on one arm.

“Comfy?” Loki asked, keeping his voice low. 

Thor couldn’t tell if he sounded accusatory or disappointed or just curious. He shrugged, then realized Loki probably couldn’t see him in the dark. “Not really.”

Loki lay back too. Pillowed his head on his own arm. Squirmed. Switched arms. 

“Look!” Thor said in a stage whisper, pointing, as another meteor streaked by.

When Thor put his arm back down, Loki scooted closer. He nudged his cheek against Thor’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Thor said softly.

“I’m cold.”

Thor closed his eyes. He felt Loki reach down and take his hand. Every part of him wanted to roll over, pin his little brother to the table, and kiss him stupid. Knowing that Loki would let him just made it worse. They couldn’t do this, they _couldn’t_. The night felt twice as lonely, suddenly. 

Thor squeezed Loki’s hand and then pulled his own hand away; pulled his shoulder away too, just enough that he could pass it off as a stretch.

Loki made a noise of disgust and sat up.

“Whatever,” Loki muttered, voice thick, and rubbed his hand over his face, jerky. He made like he was going to climb down off the table and then stopped with another huff and slapped his hand against the wood.

“What?” Thor said. He sat up too. His heart was pounding. 

“You never touch me anymore,” Loki said. His voice was watery, but angry. “You used to all the time, and now I can’t even fucking...hug you, or sit close to you, or do fucking _anything_. It’s like...like I’m diseased, or like...you can’t stand to be near me...or…”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

Thor felt sick. He hated this, all of it.

“You know what it is,” Thor said. 

“Do I?” Loki spat. "Enlighten me."

“Don’t make me say it.” Thor had never said it out loud. He didn’t even know if he could.

“You fucking asshole.” 

Loki shoved him, and Thor caught his hands. 

“Loki—”

Loki was struggling, getting his hands free and shoving Thor again, almost unbalancing both of them and sending them down to the dirt.

“Look, I’m touching you,” Loki snarled. “What are you gonna do about it? Run away? Push me back? You don’t want to say it, then just fucking _do_ it, we both want it, you know we both fucking want it, you goddamn _coward_ , why won’t you just—”

With a growl, Thor grabbed Loki's wrists and yanked, trying to make him stop pushing him, stop saying the things he was saying, just _stop_. They struggled for a few seconds, until Thor pinned Loki down, straddling him, an arm across his chest.

They were both breathing hard, and Thor's stomach was shaking with adrenaline and nerves.

"Hit me," Loki said. "Come on. If you're not going to kiss me then just fucking _hit me_ —"

"Shut up," Thor said, and kissed him.

Loki kissed him back.

For just a second, Thor let himself go. He took every single self-imposed boundary that he’d been clutching in his white-knuckled fists and threw them all away, and kissed his little brother the way he’d been aching to for so long.

It was Loki’s cold fingers on his skin under the edge of Thor’s shirt that finally snapped him back into reality. He pulled back, breathing too hard, and left Loki lying on the table as he stumbled back a few steps.

“Thor?” Loki said, his voice small.

Thor started walking back to the car. “Come on.”

*

They drove in silence and pulled over at the first motel with a “vacant” sign. Loki tried to touch Thor’s wrist while he was driving, and Thor just looked at him, helplessly, and Loki took his hand back.

Thor asked the guy at the desk if there were any rooms with two beds, and when there weren’t any he gritted his teeth and said, “How about one?”

When they got to the room, Thor took the pillows off of one side of the bed and put them on the floor.

“You can have the bed,” he said to Loki. Loki was still standing in the middle of the room, hadn’t moved since they’d walked in. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Is that it?” Loki said. Thor didn’t answer, just headed for the bathroom.

“Are you just gonna…?” Loki said, then huffed out a tear-filled laugh. “Fuck. Fuck, this is stupid, I’m leaving.” He jerked his bag off the ground, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He reached for the doorknob.

Thor caught his arm.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Well I can’t fucking stay here like… _this_ ,” Loki said, waving his arm to encompass the pillows on the ground, Thor, the room. “You’re just gonna kiss me and then pretend you didn’t?”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Thor said. “Did you think that you’d goad me into kissing you, and then, what, I’d just throw you down on this motel bed and and, and fuck you?” 

He shook Loki’s arm, and Loki jerked it away, looking betrayed. Loki’s ears were red, and he blinked furiously as a single tear fell down his cheek.

“It’s not that simple,” Thor said, helplessly. He wanted to cry too. He’d kissed Loki, and, worse, he wanted to do it again.

“Why not?” Loki said, voice cracking.

“Look,” Thor said, “this is...it’s a really big thing, alright? We can’t just...there are a lot of things to consider.”

“Like what?” Loki challenged. Then, heartbreakingly, “Don’t you love me?”

“Of _course_ I do.”

“Just not enough.”

“No, that’s not—” Thor huffed, and scrubbed his hands over his face. Tried to breathe. Stared at his own feet. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Doing _this_ is hurting me, can’t you see that?” 

Thor looked up at him. They stared at each other for a long moment. Loki’s wild curls trembled around his face and Thor wanted nothing more than to go to him and smooth his hair back from his face and kiss him until he stopped looking so sad. Only a lifetime of repression stopped him.

He was quiet for too long, because Loki broke eye contact and slung his bag over his shoulder, sniffling.

“Whatever. I’m leaving. I’ll fucking hitchhike if I have to—”

“Loki—”

Something told Thor that if Loki walked out that door, Thor would never see him, or at least this version of him, again—this idealistic Loki who still loved Thor enough to want him, who still had enough faith in that love that he didn’t care that the entire world was stacked against them and always would be. And Thor loved that Loki. He loved him so fiercely that even the chance of losing him was finally enough to break the last thin shred of resistance holding him back, and Thor found himself surging forward and grabbing Loki’s arm again to keep him from opening the door.

“What—” Loki started, but stopped when Thor’s lips collided with his, swallowing the rest of whatever he was going to say.

Loki wrenched himself away, wide-eyed. He hit Thor’s chest with both of his balled up fists.

“Do you mean it this time?” Loki demanded, his voice shaking. “Don’t fucking kiss me if you don’t mean it.”

Thor answered him by kissing him again. Loki’s bag fell to the floor. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki more securely and he melted into Thor’s embrace with such a complete lack of hesitation that Thor found tears pricking his eyes. Loki was so willing to give his heart away, and Thor was ashamed that he had ever been ungrateful enough to try and hand it back. He made a promise to himself right there, standing in the middle of a dingy motel room with his brother’s body pressed against his, that he would do everything in his power not to make Loki regret this.

Loki whimpered when they broke apart.

“Thor, please,” he whispered.

Thor hooked an arm under Loki’s knees and lifted him, bridal style, and kissed him all the way over to the bed. Loki kissed him back with passion, and huffed out a disbelieving laugh when Thor dumped him on the bed and crawled over him to kiss him some more. God, this was intoxicating. How had Thor ever stopped himself?

Loki pushed on Thor’s chest until he pulled back. “What changed?” Loki said. “Five minutes ago you were ready to sleep on the floor and blueball me and now—fuck, I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Thor was quiet for a moment, thinking, trying to find the words. Loki deserved them. “All that time and distance I put between us, and the second I saw you again, none of it mattered. I might as well have stayed and saved us both the grief. And then… When I thought you were about to leave just now… I thought, if we do this, we might lose each other, but if you left we would _definitely_ lose each other… And I just… couldn’t. Lose you. Not like that, when I was able to stop it. And I don’t know if that makes me selfish, or, or—”

He choked up a little. Loki tugged on his beard until he looked him in the eye.

“If this is you being selfish, please, be as selfish as you want,” Loki said.

“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing,” Thor said, trying to make Loki understand. “But what I was doing before wasn’t right either. I don’t know, Lo. I just… Maybe there’s no right thing. But I want you. And...and you want me, right? And maybe that’s all that matters. Maybe we can just work the rest out later.”

“Much later,” Loki said. “Fuck, kiss me again.”

Thor did, and they got lost in it for minutes, Loki opening his mouth for Thor’s tongue and licking against him. Thor couldn’t get enough of him. It was like finding an oasis in the desert. He wanted to drink until he was ready to burst.

“I want to make you feel so good,” Thor heard himself saying. “You deserve to feel good. I want to give you everything.”

“Just give me this,” Loki said, snaking a hand between them to squeeze Thor’s hard cock through his pants.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Thor groaned. He couldn’t help rubbing himself against Loki’s hand. Loki giggled, high and a little hysterical, and his cheeks were hot under Thor’s lips. His skin was so smooth and soft. Thor wanted to eat him.

“You like when I call you sweetheart?” Thor said, and Loki nodded, biting his lip. Thor felt like he must be crushing Loki with his weight, but Loki wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist and wouldn’t let him pull back.

“I have lube,” Loki whispered helpfully, wiggling a little. Thor laughed into his neck.

“Of course you do.”

“I’ve been planning this for _years_. Although I have to admit I never quite pictured it in a motel that would probably charge by the hour if you asked.”

Thor groaned. “You can’t tell me things like that. The things it makes me want to do to you—”

“Do them,” Loki said, squeezing Thor with his legs. “Do all of them.” Then, “You knew, right? How long I’ve wanted this?”

“I knew,” Thor said. His voice was rough. “I’m sorry I made us wait so long.”

“Then speed it up,” Loki said breathlessly.

Thor sat up to pull his shirt off and peel Loki out of his clothes, a green t-shirt and too-tight jeans that got stuck over his ankles. Loki’s legs went on for miles, and Thor found himself kissing his way back up them, lingering on the tender flesh of his inner thighs and making him squirm and laugh.

“Lube,” Loki said, shoving at Thor’s shoulder. “In my bag on the floor.”

“I’m going,” Thor said, laughing. He saw the tube right away, the outline of it clearly visible in one of the zip pouches on the side of Loki’s duffel, but he made a show of pawing through the bag for a moment, thinking. Loki was being impatient, but he was nineteen; that was to be expected. Thor had the better part of a decade on him. In his experience going too fast was never good for anybody. He didn’t even know how experienced Loki was. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin this with carelessness.

And, truth be told, he was nervous.

When he finally turned back to the bed, lube in hand, Loki had rid himself of his black briefs and was in the process of arranging the sheets artfully over his lap. He blushed when Thor raised an eyebrow at him and muttered, “What?”

“You’re beautiful,” Thor said, coming to sit next to him on the bed. He cupped Loki’s cheek and turned his face towards him, and Loki looked down and bit his lip, clearly self-conscious. Thor kissed him until the tension left his shoulders. Then he took his own pants off, his cock bobbing free, and Loki’s eyes went wide.

“That’s, um,” Loki said, swallowing. “Slightly bigger than I was imagining.”

Thor pushed him back onto the mattress and crawled over him again, pulling the sheets off of Loki’s lap as he went, and their naked cocks brushed against each other. They both made helpless noises. It made Thor feel wild, how together they were in this. Loki clutched at Thor’s shoulders and exhaled raggedly in his ear.

“We’re not gonna rush,” Thor said. “I want to make you feel good, remember?”

“Ok, yeah,” Loki whispered.

Thor sat up and grabbed the lube, squirting it on both of their cocks and then settling himself back over Loki’s body. “Like this, ok?”

“Yeah,” Loki whispered again, and then, “Oh my god,” because Thor had wrapped his hand around Loki’s cock for the first time ever, and, “Fuck,” Thor said, and began rutting against his brother’s body. It was… amazing. Terrifying. The single craziest thing Thor had ever done in his life. And Loki was rutting back against him, his moans just as broken as Thor’s, and Thor knew that he had never stood a chance against this. This was something bigger than them. The only way to bear it was to share it with the only other person who could understand.

“I love you,” Thor said, hoping that Loki knew what he meant, how big the feeling was. “Baby, sweetheart, I love you. So much.”

“F-fuck,” Loki stuttered, and came all over both of them. “Thor, oh my god, Thor.”

He slid his hands down to Thor’s ass and squeezed, grinding them together, and Thor came too, from somewhere deeper than he ever had before, like a hook had found the core of him and pulled it out all at once in an ecstatic rush. Loki held him through it and for minutes afterwards, combing his fingers through Thor’s hair.

“You’re going to sleep in the bed, right?” Loki said finally.

Thor sat up and surveyed the mess they’d made, and in the middle of it his little brother, rosy and flushed with endorphins and looking at him like he’d hung the moon, and Thor was so in love that if Loki had asked him to fly he would have found a way.

“Yeah. But we’d better call for new sheets.”

*

They slept together with Thor on his side and Loki wrapped around his back like a starfish. Thor didn’t sleep well. The air conditioner went on and off all night, and the polyester bedspread didn’t breathe, and between that and the closeness of Loki’s body Thor was quickly overheated. He couldn’t make his brain stop chattering either. It was a constant stream of embarrassed guilt alternating with a conscious rejection of it every time he realized it had crept up. Loki snoozed behind him with an ease that he envied. As soon as light was visible around the edge of the curtains, Thor got up to take a lukewarm shower.

He came out dressed and toweling his damp hair, and Loki was awake. Thor didn’t like the expression on his face.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Thor said, sitting on the side of the mattress and wrapping one of Loki’s curls around his finger. Loki relaxed marginally.

“I thought…” Loki started. He huffed. “It’s stupid.” Thor just kept playing with Loki’s hair until he said all in a rush, “I thought you’d be here when I woke up and maybe we could...you know...but you’re, like, already dressed and…” He trailed off.

“You were afraid I might have second thoughts,” Thor said, and Loki nodded miserably.

Thor leaned over and kissed him until Loki kissed back. Thor wanted to nip that insecurity in the bud before it had the chance to bloom into anything poisonous.

“My only second thought,” Thor said, “is that I’m reconsidering how fast I want to get to Seattle. I want to keep you in this bed all day.”

That got a smile out of Loki, one of the real ones that he guarded so jealously.

“I could give you a handjob while you’re driving,” Loki offered, his eyes mischievous. Thor tackled him to the bed and kissed him until Loki pushed him away, complaining good-naturedly, “Your hair is dripping all over me.”

Thor shook his head over Loki, getting him wetter and making him laugh, and then they were rolling around, Thor grinning and trying to dig his fingers into Loki’s ribs to make him howl and Loki, helplessly laughing, trying to get on top of Thor to pin his hands. It ended with them kissing, deep and wet and edging into filthy, their hands everywhere, groping with an intensity they’d managed to restrain last night. Thor’s late-night guilt was a distant memory with his brother warm and willing in his arms right now.

“God, I really do want to keep you here all day,” Thor said, and then gasped because Loki had worked his hands up under Thor’s shirt and was plucking at his nipples. He’d never realized those were sensitive. He leaned into a temptation he’d never have dared to give in to before, and put his lips to Loki’s ear, dropping his voice low. “I want to see how many times I can make you come.”

“Fuck,” Loki whined. “I can’t believe we have to leave in—” he pawed at the clock next to the bed, “—twenty minutes.”

Thor sucked him off in under ten, and then left Loki in the shower while he went to check out. His own cock had gone ignored, but that was fine. He could wait. He was practically a pro at it.

*

They drove up through Idaho, which was prettier than Thor thought it had any right to be. The plains stretched flat and open right up to where the mountains started, so high that there was snow on them even now in August. The clouds were high and stippled, bright white on electric blue.

Thor was afraid that he might be awkward today, but if anything he felt more himself than he had in years. He didn’t realize how stiff he’d been until he wasn’t. The first time Loki tried to hold his hand in the car he moved away out of instinct, until a half second later when his brain caught up and realized, no, they could do this now, and he grabbed Loki back and kissed his knuckles and held onto him for the next fifty miles.

When they stopped for lunch, Thor had barely turned the car off before Loki was pulling him over by the beard to kiss him. It made Thor’s heart pound wildly. He was so used to his want for his brother being his darkest secret that to kiss in public left him incredibly flustered, even if no one here knew them. But it was good. Exciting. The thrill of adrenaline and not the spike of fear. It made him feel alive, and he marveled at how he had dragged himself around half-dead for so long.

“Hey,” Thor said, rubbing his beard, picking something silly to talk about. “Sorry about this thing. I know it’s too long. I’ll shave when we get home.”

“I like it,” Loki said. “But maybe we could trim it a little shorter. Besides…” He flushed, a thing that Thor was beginning to realize he did often around Thor. “I kind of want to know what it feels like, um…”

Thor grinned wickedly. “Of course I’ll eat you out, sweetheart.”

“ _Jesus_ Thor,” Loki said, his whole face on fire. “When you go in you go all in, don’t you?”

“I always have,” Thor said.

Loki shoved himself away and started unbuckling his seatbelt. “But yes. That. Let’s do. That. Later.”

God, he was adorable.

Thor was tired after his sleepless night and Loki took over driving after lunch. When Thor woke up, Loki’s hand was resting on his thigh, and he covered with his own and gave it a squeeze. _You never touch me anymore_ , Loki had said last night. Thor had a lot of ground to make up for.

They could have pushed the driving further into the night so that they could get into Seattle by lunchtime the next day, but they were both too eager to get out of the car and into a bed, so they called it a day in Coeur d’Alene and got themselves a room with a king sized bed. The lady behind the desk gave them a severe once over when Thor requested one bed, and opened her mouth like she was about to say something rude, but shut it again when Loki loudly said, “What’s taking so long, _brother?_ ”

“You’re a little shit,” Thor said fondly as they lugged their bags to their room.

“What, are we not brothers anymore?”

There was so much to unpack there that Thor left all of it alone and opted for shutting the door behind them and drawing Loki into his arms and kissing him senseless.

“Get on the bed, _brother_ ,” Thor said.

“Fuck, that shouldn’t be hot,” Loki said. “Why is that hot?”

“You’re morally depraved?” Thor said.

Loki snorted. “So are you, old man.”

“Can’t help it,” Thor said. “My brother is too hot.”

“You’re not funny,” Loki complained while Thor started undressing him. “Just stop trying, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Mm, must be genetic.”

“You—” But whatever Loki was going to say was lost to a groan as Thor got his hand on his cock and tugged.

“I’m sorry, were you saying something?” Thor said. “Bed. You. Now. I think there was a part of my face you wanted to get acquainted with.”

Thor got Loki laid out on the bed, his arms and legs tight against his body, still shy.

“You know you’re beautiful, right?” Thor said, dragging his hands down Loki’s chest to his flat belly.

Loki squirmed. “I’m just scrawny. You’re so…” He moved his hands around in the air like he was groping Thor. “Beefy.”

“Is beefy good?”

“Extremely,” Loki said breathlessly, his eyes hungry.

Thor kissed him for that, then worked his way down his brother’s lithe (not scrawny) body until he got to his perfect thick cock, which he kissed hello before he kept going down. Loki was hesitant about spreading his legs at first, but after a few minutes of Thor’s patient attention his posture loosened and his limbs bloomed sweetly open, welcoming Thor to the soft secret parts of him. Thor ate him out for ages, until his skin was pink and warm from Thor’s beard and his voice grew hoarse from moaning. Thor got him wet enough with spit for two fingers to disappear inside him, and it made him feel unhinged. He was inside his brother’s body. He found Loki’s prostate and made him curse and hit the bed.

Thor sat back and freed his own cock from his pants to take the pressure off. God. It would be so easy to just fuck into Loki with his cock right here right now. He was giddy thinking about it. It didn’t feel right, yet, though.

“Thor,” Loki whined. “Where did you go?”

“Do you want to come, baby?” Thor said, and Loki nodded frantically.

Thor slid his finger back inside Loki’s tight heat, searching for the right spot, and took Loki’s cock in his mouth. It was only a minute before Loki was coming, arching up off the bed and making Thor gag a little. Thor pulled off and out and laid a kiss to the tip of Loki’s softening cock, then rested his cheek on Loki’s hip.

“That’s two for me today and none for you,” Loki said, voice slurred with sex. “Come on, let me do you.”

Thor didn’t protest when Loki pushed him onto his back. They got his pants the rest of the way off, and then Loki was tucking his hair behind his ear, and his mouth was on Thor’s dick.

The sight of his little brother’s mouth stretched around his cock for the first time was something Thor was going to remember for the rest of his life.

“Sweetheart,” Thor groaned. He touched any part of Loki he could reach, his hair, his shoulder, his cheek. “You’re so good. So sweet. Fuck, baby, just like that.”

It was stupid how good it felt. Loki’s technique was sweetly naive, which probably stoked Thor higher than a more practiced one would have; it made him think that maybe Loki had been waiting for him, which probably shouldn’t make him feel good, but it did. He wanted to be everything for Loki. Selfish was what he was.

One cool finger pressed tentatively against his hole, a welcome surprise, and Thor came. Loki pulled off enough to let it hit his open mouth, his tongue out, his hand stroking Thor through it, like he was imitating a porn video. Maybe he was. He licked some of Thor’s come off of his lip and Thor thought he might die.

“C’mere,” Thor said, and pulled Loki up into his arms. “So how was the beard?” he said finally when he felt like he could talk again.

Loki laughed against his shoulder. “Amazing.”

*

They made it to Seattle just as the sun was setting, and drove through the city in the darkening twilight. They were both quiet as they rolled through city traffic, starting and stopping at lights. It was the end of something and they both felt it. A week ago, three thousand miles had seemed like they stretched out endlessly, but now they all lay behind them. Not an accusation anymore, at least. A history. _This is how far you came to find each other._

“So you start moving into your dorm tomorrow morning, right?” Thor said at a red light.

“Mm,” Loki said.

Thor glanced over at him. He was looking out the window at people walking down the sidewalk. Thor squeezed his leg, and then hit the accelerator as the light changed.

“You know you can come over whenever you want, right?” Thor said, wanting to fill the silence. “Even if I’m at work. I’ll give you a key.” That got him a smile, at least. The silence stretched on for another minute until Thor said, “Hey, why are you sad?”

“Do you date a lot?” Loki blurted out.

Thor was so surprised he almost missed a turn.

“What?”

“I just don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be some stupid kid you’re saddled with, you know? I don’t wanna… cramp your life. I can’t even go to a bar with you. Or… or even hold your hand in public. I… I just…“ Loki huffed and wiped at his face. “I’m stupid, I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying you’re stupid, but you’re not,” Thor said. “You’re not a kid I’m saddled with. Loki. Do you understand how much I love you? I don’t date. I’ve never dated the entire time I’ve lived here. Do you know why? Because I’ve been in love with _you_. Probably since you were, like, sixteen, which is awful on every conceivable level—”

Loki was sniffling, but Thor saw a smile out of the corner of his eye, and he reached blindly for Loki’s hand.

“ _I’m_ worried about _you_ leaving me to date some hot piece of ass you find at college who isn’t eight years older than you and also your _brother_.”

“No,” Loki said, clutching at Thor’s hand. “I couldn’t. I’ve been in love with you since I was a kid, you know that? Before I even knew what that was. It’s always been you. I don’t know why, it just has. And that’s awful too, so I guess we can be awful together.”

“Super awful,” Thor said, starting to smile, his heart unclenching. “The worst.” And then, “We’re here.”

*

They wrestled their bags up three flights of stairs and called for takeout and ate sprawled on Thor’s couch with Netflix playing in the background. Thor got up to pee and on the way back dug through his junk drawer until he found the spare key.

“Here,” he said, handing it to Loki. He patted at Loki’s legs until he lifted them enough for Thor to slide under. 

“I was thinking,” Thor said. “About what you suggested.”

“What did I suggest?” Loki was looking at the key with a half-smile on his face, which he redirected to Thor.

“That maybe you could...stay here over the summer. And yes. The answer is yes.”

Loki made a happy noise and surged in to kiss him enthusiastically, and Thor smiled against his lips. “And Thanksgiving break and winter break and spring break—” Thor continued, “—and...after that. As long as you want. Forever.”

Loki climbed into his lap and Thor wrapped his arms around his waist. Yeah. This was right. This was perfect. Who cared what the rest of the world thought when Thor could make Loki happy like this?

“Forever,” Loki said. “I like the sound of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> twitter.com/thunderingraven


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